Personal Update – July 2012
How many times have we asked our guides to help us make a change? I can’t count them all but when those answers come, they sometimes bring about more than we expected. I’ve been making this request for some time and yep, it has created a big change for me. That’s why I decided to write this message today; it’s the first day of what feels like a new life.
For those of you who have followed the weekly messages for at least the last couple of years, you know that it’s been a rocky road. Death seemed to follow me and the subsequent grief of losing 3 of the 4 men I love the most has made it hard to keep myself together. As you have read, the suicide loss of my little brother last year has been the hardest. The intense pain caused me to lose all desire to do this work and anything else. Since that time I have struggled with depression, the likes of which I have never known.
I’m usually a positive person who wakes up each day in a good mood; hope was easy for me, that is until last July 27th. Now I wake each day wondering if I’ll ever feel joy again; the weight of sadness in my chest is almost suffocating. I recall saying to myself (and Keith) just a week or so ago that now I knew what he experienced almost every day of his life since he was about 8 years old. The hopelessness, helplessness and frustration of it all is at times unbearable. So at least I now know how he felt … at least to some degree.
Occurring simultaneously was the slowing pace of this work. I feel certain that the mission I came here to do was completed back in 2005. As I wrote in The Mission Remembered, like many of you who are starseeds, walk-ins and time travelers/healers, I came from the past to help alter certain future events by creating templates. The goal was to recreate the emotional issues/beliefs that brought about the demise of for previous human home worlds who’s timelines are now tied into that of Earth and are playing out now through the end of 2012. We we were successful we would create a template for for those events to have a more positive outcome. These templates and the foundation built would help ensure that humanity and Earth would survive another passing of Nibiru with minimal effect. So far many of the geopolitical and earth changes events that were to transpire have not. We will know by the end of this year if we were successful with all them.
My focus since completing that foundation of templates has been to tweak the templates as needed while providing ongoing spiritual and emotional support.
Having seen previous careers end, I know that when something is done, the energy to support it fades away. That has been occurring for this work since the beginning of the year. At first I thought it was just my grief but now I see that is not the case. For the past month or so I’ve kept saying to my guides, “If I am to keep this work going then show me.” The answer would translate as more activity in terms of sessions, workshops, speaking engagements and other opportunities. These would help me lift myself out of the darkness and stuckness because I’d be busy again. The last month has shown me their answer. It has gotten, and still is, very quiet. In fact, there is almost no activity at all! Guess I have my answer, eh? So what comes next?
I’ve been a member of a group here in town called the Marty Connection since early 2009. It’s a networking group that meets every week to socialize and refer business. Not only is it fun, it has become my lifeline and have helped me pull myself out of the darkness more times than I can count. Dave, it’s founder, was my partner in my very first networking organization back in 1987. He has asked me repeatedly to consider joining forces again but I refused.
About 3 weeks ago, after several “networking related dreams, I decided that I should reconsider. I called Dave to discuss it and he was elated. I must admit though that my heart wasn’t totally in it yet.
Two days later his house caught on fire so needless to say Dave has been preoccupied since . I took the fire as a message that though I might be on the right tract with the networking thing, the timing was off. Whether it was Dave or me that was the hold-up, I wasn’t sure — until this past Friday.
We sat down down and hammered out the details of a new agreement. Still, I wasn’t excited, in fact, I was actually afraid! After Dave left I went around my house nervously wringing my hands, asking myself, “Is this really my next step? What if I can’t do it? What about the Nibiruan Council? What do I do with the weekly messages?” At the same time, the pain I’d been carrying since my brother’s death welled up and became almost suffocating. Oh lord, what had I done?!
Then, it all changed in an instant that same night. I don’t know if it was the X-class solar flare hitting the Earth or what, but I felt the pain of that suicide loss suddenly lift and the anxiety over the new venture disappear. It was as though someone had gone into my heart and magically erased all the pain and sadness. Suddenly I could feel joy again and I actually found myself smiling so big I laughed. I felt like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon after a long hard winter. Funny, I kept seeing butterflies yesterday and the day before.
So, to wrap this up, I’m moving on to something new. I’m still not sure how I will phase out this work. For now I’ll keep the weekly messages going, but they may not be regular or arrive on a Monday. The website will remain till the end of the year along with already scheduled workshops and retreats. I’ll discount all remaining books and CD sets to clear out stock so if there is something that you wanted but not have purchased, now would be a good time.
Though I am moving on, this is not the end for you and me; not yet. It is just a heads-up that things are changing.