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 Comments on Healing the Wounds of Motherhood


 

Dearest Jelaila,

I read your amazing article, and just read a number of the other "comments" submitted by your many other readers.  My heart is still spilling over with love and compassion for you and all the others who have written in on this subject.  Your profoundly intimate sharing never ceases to have a deep effect on me at the cellular level.  However this particular article was "off the hook" as they say.  Meaning it broke the mold.  It also helped me to enter into this highly charged inner realm within myself.  And now I can expect to begin clearing and transmuting the pain, heartache and shame that I have been carrying. 

I too, like so many millions of us, have endured many of the same kinds of shame, guilt and self-hatred for some of the choices I've made and actions I've taken.  And I recognize how as a child I  was on the receiving end of some pivotal choices my mother made.  This article like all of your articles, tapes, videos, books, etc. have become so important to me because of the higher truth they precipitate into this 3D reality.  It is EXACTLY what I was looking for.  May my efforts to heal serve the greater good of all women on the planet.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You from the fullness of my heart.

Much love,
Lila

Dear Jelaila:

I don't know how I found your article just surfing the web, but I had to write to say thank you for your truth on the article wounds of motherhood.  I had an abortion when I was 16 yrs old. Had a miscarriage when I was 21, and had a healthy daughter when I was 23. My daughter, who is now 17 has run away from home, and the guilt of everything has caught up with me. I am even scheduled July 1, to have a hysterectomy due to endemetriosis and cervical cancer. I kept thinking maybe by having this "all" removed, it would also remove the guilt, and pain ( I was also raped at 15 1/2), all the negative I have carried for so long. Thank you for sharing your words which has really resonated deep within my soul.

It is nice to know that we are lucky enough to have souls come in just to teach us, and were never really meant to be born. You will never know how deeply you touched my heart, and I am saving this article, should any doubt ever surface again.
 
Pandora

Dear Jelaila,

I heard you for the first time today when I listened to an archived interview of yours on the "Feet to the Fire" radio program. From there I found your website, and the first article I felt drawn to read was "Healing the Wounds of Motherhood." In the past year or so, I have been experiencing those late-night pangs of anguish because I too had given up custody of a child -- well, he was actually a teenager when that happened, but the pain was still intense. He was a rebellious young man who, when his father and I first separated, took his father's "side" and turned on me in hateful and angry rebellion, even though I tried to maintain the stability of a home and be there for him in every way.

Things got to the point where I was on the point of an emotional breakdown due to the stress of my son's alarming behavior. He took every opportunity to make my life difficult, fueled by the hateful lies of very vengeful in-laws. Finally, when it came time to go to court and finalize the divorce, I signed over physical custody to the father, and moved out of the house, selling my share. This seemed to be the only way for me to come out of the last shreds of my sanity intact. The shock of pain of this was beyond belief--I experience such unimaginable grief, such overwhelming loneliness and abandonment. And yes, I experienced repeatedly the sting of rejection by others for being a "bad mother."

Reading your account of your own sufferings caused me to feel such compassion for you. My heart just went out to you. Thank you for expressing so eloquently the higher purpose of such events. I know in my heart that you are right. I knew then, in my heart, that I was doing this for the "greater good." And I'd like to share with you that my son is now a very fine 34-year-old man, very righteous and good, well-loved by everyone who knows him. He too has gone through a divorce, and knows the pain of separation from a child (a stepdaughter, but one who called him "daddy" for several years). He knows a bit of the anguish, sadness and guilt I experienced. He recently has told me many things about how he treasures the time we spent together when he was young and thanked me for those precious moments. This was balm for my soul. But again, let me thank you for your wonderful article...

Also, I wanted to ask you, because I feel that I might be a "Starseed", if there are any people in the Boston area you might know who do this work.

Thanks, and God Bless.

Ellie

Jelaila,

I just read this article, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so honest.  Although my experiences are very different from yours, I have been dealing with these very same emotions for quite some time.
 
So many times I find spiritual helpers are afraid to actually admit and talk about their struggles.  I actually had one spiritual friend tell me that talking about problems and sickness was akin to gossip.  It's easy for spiritual talk to turn into words of light and energy,  flowers and rainbows, without working through the dark emotions too.
 
Your article on healing the wounds of motherhood was a wonderful account of how we can actually heal these wounds, not just cover them over with fluff.
Thank you for being honest.

Cindy

Jelaila,

I just wanted to send my love and gratitude to you for sharing so deeply in your Motherhood article. Issues around sexuality, motherhood and speaking my truth from a place of my own power has been a profound life lesson for me, one that I am still in the process of working through. I have been frozen in guilt and shame over my experiences as a mother in this lifetime...but just reading your article brought a deep activation in my second chakra. I still feel it as I write you. It's a wonderful sense of forgiveness and opening to the Higher Perspective truth's as the old dense emotions move through.

Thank you thank you thank you for you have truly opened something in me that has been ready to go for some time now.

Reading your experiences and the honesty in which you expressed them immediately released a level of shame for my own.

I am blessed!
Love and Light!
Heather

Dear sister,

As always when in the Flow, Spirit provides what one needs. Not having bought Way of the Heart for maybe a year or more, I picked it up a local newsagency just this morning.......it resonates just for me, haha...As the mother of four, I relate strongly in regard to giving? our kids to their father. My eldest son now 15, has lived with his Dad for more than two years, the pain is not so great as acceptance has been slow but worthwhile.

Now, my only daughter aged nearly 10, has listened to her soul calling and will move into his house in the next few months.....for a lengthy time I resisted. Then my inner voice told me just yesterday, Michaela has stopped breastfeeding, metaphorically speaking. I got it I got it, then today I read your article and find those 3 points you make - the deciding factors are mine too. Just exactly the same three. thank you, thank you, women everywhere are remembering our pain and being grateful for the understanding that always, always comes with being real, being who we really are.

Blessings, indeed........namaste, Kathyx If you have a regular newsletter, please place me on your list...

Hi Jelaila:

I just finished reading your article on this subject and want to tell you how much I honor your honesty in this area. I have experienced two piece of this article in that I chose to terminate three pregnancies in an effort to learn to live for me and I am also adopted.

I never carried tremendous guilt about the abortions because even before I connected with my spiritual side, I knew in my core, that there was purpose to this and that there was no shame. I somehow always knew that these souls chose to go through this process just as I chose to experience it. Still, reading it in the manner in which you presented it, brought a sense of calm about me as I struggle not with the guilt of the process but in the number of times I had to experience it. I know now that it was to set up the learning I have been going through in loving myself first and foremost, a lesson I am happy to say I am getting firm grasp on!

As for the adoption, again, it has never been an issue for me. I know that I chose to be raised by my current mom as she would allow me to develop into the spiritual being I am today without all of the barriers other families have. I chose my birth mom for other reasons which I have never really felt compelled to discover but have a feeling they were simply genetic. As for my mom, the adoption was a contract for her to learn many lessons. She has always pushed for me to search for my birth mom but I have no desire to do so. She feels guilt attached with "taking" us as well as a great sense of unworthiness. I honor her in her lessons but know that I cannot do anything more than lover her through her journey.

I just wanted to thank you for sharing this information about yourself as it has given me some great perspective on opening up about all this to the new man in my life.

I look forward to scheduling a galactic counseling session with you in the next couple of weeks!

Love you!
Dora

Greetings from Quebec:

I just finished your article and I must say "Thank You" for touching on this subject.  At 24 years old, I had two daughters, age 3 and 5.  After leaving their father, I struggled through a year of custodial battles because I felt that I "should" keep them with me.  I finally acknowledged that he was the better parent and I gave him full custody.

Then began the time of shame, guilt, and condemnation from all who knew me.  I finally decided to commit suicide because I couldn't cope with the emotional pain.  There was nothing in the house to kill myself with, so I decided it was time to move on with my life.  That is when I discovered I had a spirit.  It saved me and today, 28 years later, I am a spiritual teacher and counselor.  I am also a walk in since 1980.

Thank you for your article.  It is healing, truthful, and enlightened.  I wish I had found you a long time ago.

Kathleen

Hello Jelaila:

Thank you so much for your articles in the Sept and Oct issues of Star Beacon.  I admire your courage and insight. 

At some level you represent EveryWoman, the children are EveryChild, the fathers are EveryMan. We all have suffered much because the Gift of Pleasure so lovingly bestowed on all of us by the Mother has been made a scourge of pain, guilt, fear and shame by our fearful need to control. Even the name, sexuality, seems inappropriate.

As you have represented EveryOne, the transformational impact of the roles you all lovingly chose to play spirals outward way beyond the readership of Star Beacon to heal at deepest levels across time and space.

Once again I acknowledge your courage for doing this for all of us.  May you soon be blessed again with the experience of sensuality that is the birthright of us all!

Sincerely,
Bob H.
Mason, Ohio

Dear Jelaila,

Thank you for your articles in PlanetLightworker.
 
I gave up custody of my children after 12 years of a deadening marriage. I had started back to college and was beginning to experience the growth of my soul, and I could not stay in that marriage. The forces of society (church, rural community) all played against me, and I lost my three children. Their father preferred for them to think of me as sinful, lost and dead. He threw away my gifts and notes and would not let me talk to them. I was not able to renew these relationships until they each in turn left home.
 
I worked very hard over the next 20 years to become friends with them again. I was blessed with a second husband who easily slipped into the role of being like a father to them. My husband is now in a nursing home. I am separated by distance from my children and there have been misunderstandings that come when you cannot communicate face to face. Specifically, they do not understand why I cannot take care of him at home. They have not been to visit him in four or five years, so they are in no position to judge this, but they are reminded of their own loss in the loss of him.
 
My middle child, a wonderfully talented daughter, has written me out of her life totally because of "what I did" in abandoning her. She was the parentalized child and had the hardest time dealing with her father. The letter she wrote to end our relationship was cruel and distorted. Fortunately, my life since I left my first marriage has been one of seeking spiritual understanding, so I have been able to stand up under the loss of her friendship one more time. (The other two have distanced also, but not in hostility.)
 
I see the rewards now, though, in my grandchildren. All of them are attempting to go to college, some more seriously than others. I was the first college graduate in my family (PhD), my son the only one in his generation, and now one granddaughter has graduated from college and two more are seriously on their way to graduation. Two other granddaughters are struggling a bit more with identity, but they are taking college classes. And the marriage age is getting later. My mother was 18, I was 17, my daughters were 19 and 17, and now two granddaughters (the same ones seeking college degrees) just got married at age 21. This makes me happy.

I appreciate your shedding light for women who have had to make this difficult choice. In my case, I knew I would have died, either literally or spiritually, if I had stayed in that early environment. I have spoken very little of this to others. I admire your bravery in writing about loss from the viewpoint of the mothers, and of the shame and guilt we carry with us. I relate to the problems in first and second chakras - I'm even now being tested for uterine cancer and I know I have fibroids. When I was without my children, I felt as though my insides had been ripped out and I was empty inside. This feeling lasted the 8 years it took until I was reconciled with them again.
 
So much is written about the mother - daughter relationship from the daughter's point of view. It is good to be able to express mother loss, mother shame, mother rejection. We are all spiritual partners in this game and should not take it as seriously as we do, but when it comes to losing children, that is not so easily done. I do understand my daughter and the other two children needed to be raised by her father (and that my children needed his genes). I never could understand why I was treated so harshly and suffered so much hatred, but I can begin to see it in spiritual terms. Fortunately, I am at a point where I can let those feelings go.
 
Thank you again for writing this article.
 
Blessings
mr

Dear Jelaila,

I just wanted to write and tell you how much I enjoyed your "Healing the Wounds of Motherhood" article. It moved me so much. Because it was so long, I had to break it up into two parts, with Part I going into the September Star Beacon. I hope this won't be a problem for readers, or for you, with such a strong message.
 
I am the mother of three boys and because of an early mid-life crisis, chose to give residential custody to my ex when my youngest was only 4 years old. It was the toughest, most agonizing decision of my life, and I carried guilt with me for all those years. Even though I knew my decision was based on the highest good of all, and my three sons are all very close to me... society places this burden on females and stereotypes us as "uncaring," "selfish," and "negligent," when this is not always true.
 
I have come across people (friends, acquaintances) who let me know just recently that they couldn't believe at the time how I'd "given up" my children for the love of a soulmate. This brought back all kinds of sorrowful feelings to me, and your article has released a lot of that crap -- I thank you and your Guides for sharing this important information.
 
As far as "giving up" my sons, I never felt I did that. I was always there for them, even though I didn't live under the same roof. I was a phone call away and saw them often. Our time together was filled with love and caring, something they did not get with their dad and stepmother, the latter of which resented me so much she would take out her anger and ill feelings on them. My youngest has finally left his dad and come to live with my husband (soulmate) and me. I can see that his challenge was putting up all those years in a household that was stressful and unloving, because he has evolved to such a mature level spiritually, and I am proud of all three of these fine young men for enduring what they did. I never felt I abandoned them until society told me so. But now, thanks to your words of wisdom, I can find peace in my soul.
 
Blessings to you, dear friend!
 
Love and Light,
Ann

Jelaila,

Today I can say: Is a wonderfull day, is a marvellous day.  I really want to thank you for your words about healing your maternity. I am a woman who had two abortions and I have felt all this years that I have done something horrible, that I killed this 2 marvellous persons and that I stop their process of evolutions without knowing it.

Thank you very much. Now I know that it was a contract with a superior purpose and not such a horrible thing. Now I know that it also was part of their evolutionary process and that I didn't stop it.

I have asked them for forgiveness many many times and now I can pray to God to help them in their process.

Thank you again Jelaila.
Juliana (I don't speak English very well, sorry).

Jelaila,

I must thank you from the bottom of my heart and 1st and 2nd chakras. I had a abortion when I was 32. This happen right after my birth of my daughter and separation from her father. Her father and I remained dear friends and lovers for a short period of time after our separation and I became pregnant. I was attending collage at the time and just could'nt have a baby. I was living with friends and was energetically over extended.

A year later I was diagnosed with Toxic Shock Syndrome and rushed to the hospital hemorrhaging. I was given a partial hysterectomy and my tubes were left. 3 years ago I was again rushed to the hospital with extreme pain on my left tube. I was diagnose with a tumor the size of a cantaloupe and book for surgery. Before surgery I had 2 healings from 6 of my friends. During one of the healing sessions I made contact with the aborted son. He told me not to feel guilt or shame and that he had been born to my nice and without my help this would not have happen. The tumor was the manifestation of my shame and guilt and was ready to be released in the form of this tumor 22 years later.

I also chose to let my daughter live with her father when she was 12. Her father expressed the great desire to be a full time father. It was very hard for me at the time to let her go and my family did not understand how I could give her up, but I knew that she needed to be with him. Know that she is 25 years of age I see the result of my decision. She has the strength of her father and also the path of her profession that she got from him that would not be if had if she had not had this time with him. When she was 16 it was time that she be with her mother and her father recognized this and returned her to me. I know that she is who she is today because of the compassion that her father and myself had for each other and the well being we had for her growth. I realized in reading your article on custody choices that I also had been still carrying guilt for this choice. I feel that you may have saved me from more surgery. For I have been having pains in my left s! ide where my ovary was. I have been going to it and asking what I need to release and you have had a part in that for me. Thank you from my heart.

I bless you for your openness to share your story for it was great confirmation for me and a tool that I can use to totally release any emotions I have still held on to. I will also be able to help my clients in their healing.

Bless you dear one. Those who drum a different beat are our leaders. For they are the Pathfinders.

Kathie G.

Dear Jelaila,

I finished reading your article on the wounds of motherhood.   (allow me to make a pause..........................)   I was deeply moved by it.  We have a saying in Spanish: "Ojos que no ven, corazˇn que no siente" = "Eyes that do not see, a heart that cannot feel".  And this comes to my mind because after seeing your photo and by listening to your counseling over the telephone or via your website, one cannot imagine the profound experiences you have lived.  I honour your courage to go through the pain of reviving them, asking advice from your husband and guides, and then writing about them first to erase all personal guilt and then to help other women do the same.

I would like to share the following with you: my first husband was a very handsome French man who lived in Mexico. Soon enough I discovered his neurosis and selfishness, his mother and stepfather were quite snobish and their ways of life had nothing to do with me. I was like a zoo specimen, being Mexican, and yet having qualities that they recognized with the classic comment to their French friends:  "Martha speaks very good English and French, for a Mexican, she has nice teeth...and she is a very good cook...."  (Racism... what a bore!)

I was trying to avoid pregnancy at least for a year but I got pregnant right away and went to see my gynecologist who would not hear a thing about miscarriage.   By then I was sure that Robert was not destined to be a good father and somehow I was afraid that his personality would interfere with the way I felt was good for our child.  I had a spontaneous miscarriage at the end of the 3rd month although I had already accepted the fact that I was going to be a mother. It was indeed sudden and left me half numb, I really didn't know how I felt.

I was relieved (totally relieved I thought) and when I was "ready" to have a baby I couldn't.  I visited numerous doctors, had tests and internal X rays.... nothing.  My marriage lasted 8 years and I was never able to get pregnant again. 

Two years ago (I was 67) I had a sacro craneal therapy and at the end I was surprised to remember my unborn child.  I went into tears and said (it would have been a boy): "I'm sorry, I never welcomed you, I never appreciated your short presence, never even gave you a name and didn't say goodbye."   It was a very shocking experience but in the end I was relieved. (My therapist was surprised at my tears because she had seen me all along in the session as a very happy child, laughing and dancing in the midst of a blue light).  I was afraid because Robert was already giving me instructions as to how to raise a child ( I being a Mexican) before the baby was born! I was meant to be: I had to live that experience and the little soul was going to live scarcely three months... nobody's fault.

So thank you for your article, dear Jelaila.  I knew I had to get in touch with you again.

I also know that many of your latin american readers are waiting to receive Spanish translations.  Over the past months, since I translated your article on the Inner Child, some of my (now) friends ask me if there is more, and somehow I mention your name frequently when I give therapy whether it's an overweight woman or an angry person.

Those two exercises have helped a good many individuals.

Blessings and warmest regards,
Martha

Jelaila,

Thank you for your article on motherhood. I too have experienced each part you mention, except my adoption experience was adopting a son, not giving up a child. I was never able to conceive again after performing a home abortion. Spirit brought this to the forefront a couple of months ago for me and I was forced to deal with something I thought long behind me. Thank you Spirit for bringing this to the surface again. My aborted son was apparently hanging in the background of my field all these 4o years waiting for my acknowledgment. Thanks again, I enjoyed it and will be forwarding it to many other women/mothers.

Bonnie

Dear Jelaila,

Your article "Healing the Wounds of Motherhood" is a very emotional one for me. As a 57 year old adoptee who has spent much of her adult life seeking answers and finding out truly who I am ,you have helped me to understand the pain  and shame felt by the birth mothers .

In Peace,
Heidi

Dear Jelaila,

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings! I gave up custody of my daughter, and though she's now 24 and a wonderful human being, I still beat up myself over the choices I made. We've talked long and hard about the whole thing, and my daughter has forgiven me, and I'm working on forgiving myself.

I too, believe we are here to learn lessons and to teach others, and every day I remind myself that whatever happens is for the Greater Good . It has helped me through many situations that in the past I would have run away from or otherwise refused to deal with.

I am now facing the challenge of raising an almost 13 year old son myself. His father committed suicide 2 years ago, and my son recently spent some time in a mental health facility, facing issues regarding his father's death, among other things. I feel that Goddess has chosen me for this challenge, and every day I do my best to raise this child lovingly.

Again, thank you for your words of encouragement. They mean more than I can possibly express.

Bright Blessings - Tammy.

Hi Jelaila,

...I have to tell you, I was more deeply, deeply moved by this piece than by anything else I have ever published in PLW.

I found this article incredibly honest, very very gutsy, and profoundly affecting. I take my hat off to you... it couldn't have been an easy article to write, but you did it beautifully, powerfully, with great honesty and dignity, and without once allowing yourself to cross the barrier (as a lesser writer might have done) into portraying yourself as a whiner or a victim.

I know several women who will find great comfort in this article. It's a little longer than we normally like, but that's not going to stop me. I have decided to split it into two parts and put part 1 in the free articles section of the first paid for edition of Planet Lightworker which will go live on September 1st. (We have decided to run three free articles per month , just to keep non subscribers coming back each month.) Obviously, the free articles will get the biggest audience, which is why I have placed your article in that section, as I want it to be seen and read by as wide an audience as possible. Honestly, I really can't praise it highly enough.

This is the second article I have read of yours Jelaila in which you have revealed some very painful facts about yourself, and your honesty and dignity in both instances has, if you don't mind me saying so, given your writing a whole new edge that really makes a reader feel they can identify with you, and learn from you, and admire you.

As a journalist, I have to say that when you write like this, it really makes for very powerful and totally riveting reading.... By that I don't mean to suggest that your other work is not good, it's just that there's something about the sheer raw honesty of these two particular pieces that, for me, provides a whole new dimension to your writing... very very powerful stuff.

Thank you for offering it to us - I consider it a privilege to be able to publish it.

Be well, Jelaila, and many many blessings to you

Sandie
Managing Editor
www.planetlightworker.com

Dear Jelaila,

Your article on Motherhood could not have been written at a more appropriate time. I meet every couple of months with a group of women who are Reiki practitioners. The gathering offers us a space to share our deepest feelings and to receive support from each other. The topic of discussion at our most recent gathering was Abortion and Adoption. There was not one woman in the group who had not been personally affected by either experience. We shared together and cried together, healing the old wounds of those experiences. Within two days of the gathering, I discovered your article and forwarded it on to the other members. The response was unanimous. Every woman expressed that their feelings resonated with yours, and each felt that we are pa! rt of a planetary healing that is taking place in the name of Motherhood. For too long we have held our thoughts and feelings and suffered in the silence of guilt and shame. If we are to heal our wounded Mother (Gaia), we must first heal ourselves. On behalf of my group, I salute your courage and honesty in sharing your deeply personal and painful experiences. I have no doubt that you will receive the healing that you so strongly desire. Have faith and know that this is so.

Namaste,
Nancy M.

Dear Jelaila,

I hope you don't mind me writing to you off list. I don't say much there. just enjoy being connected. I finally got around to reading all the post from the last couple of weeks. This one from you has me in tears, so I feel much moved to write to you and thank you. I am a male this life but my life is so much that of a mom. I've had my sons, from day one and not my daughter since she was 8. She is with her mom. I haven't seen her in 8 years. I miss her dearly.

In my past i was the super-mom for the whole neighborhood till being lead to care better for my self. I know of higher perspective. Never have I felt same or guilt, lease not that I can remember. Ok I just recalled a time once. I have learned/remember so much in the last few years from spirit.

Thank-you so much for sharing this. And may I ask for your help? I have blockage in my second chakra, don't know what to do. Will you point me to the place of an answer?

Greg S., WA

Hey Jelaila!

I have been meaning to write and comment on your "Motherhood" article. I definitely had a reaction to it, but not one you might have expected. Although I had an abortion myself at age 15, I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do and I have never felt remorse or looked back.

The reaction I had came in the form of feelings I have towards my animal children. I have been very close to the animals in my life and to say the least, over critical of my role as mother to them. I have had to let go of a lot of guilt in this area, but I realize now that the shame is still with me. I still carry the shame of giving my iguana Clifford away and the person I gave him to let him die. I carry the shame of buying the little potbellied pig, only to not be able to keep her and having to give her to someone I barely knew, never to know her fate. I carry the shame of running out of my house, late to be somewhere, and not giving Nicholas (my 16 year old kitty) the attention he was literally demanding at the time, only to have him pass away during the night. And finally, the shame of having to put my dog Coby and cat Mr Kitty to sleep, hoping it was the right thing to do, and wishing I had been a better mother to both of them. It is so painful that I cry as I write this. There are others, but these are the ones that weigh on my mind.

I know that I can only do the best that I can do in any given moment, and that I will have to work on releasing this shame now. Thanks for helping to bring this up for me.

Love,
Nicole

Dear Jelaila,

I read your wonderful article on motherhood (sent to me via Isis's Circle of Light newsletter) and although I am not a  mother, and have never experienced anything like you have, I was very moved by your writing. I think it was a wonderful thing for you to be so honest and open about your life ........in fact I find it hard to find the right words to express how I feel.

I totally agree with what you say on "the higher perspective" and know how hard it is to go against society and the expectations that it places upon you.

 I am 36 years old and don't want children, something that upsets a lot of people because our society says that women should just naturally want to be mothers. And that there must be something wrong with you if you don't want to have a baby.  (I have my babies, a kitten and a dog and I'm a great mother to them).

I'm sure your writing that article will help a lot of people in one way or another.

Peace and Blessings to you
Dee (NZ)

Dearest Jelaila,

The timing and content of your Motherhood article was unbelievable for me. I am sure you will get many, many emails from grateful women for your beautiful and healing article. I won't go into details, but I will say that there hasn't been a day in over 20 years that I haven't berated myself in some way for letting my ex-husband have custody of my children. It doesn't matter how many times I go over the facts and know that I couldn't have supported them at that time and I could no longer stay in the marriage. So I let them go. I have done everything in my power to try and make this up to my children over the years and SHOW them how much I love them. But like you, I still carry the guilt and shame around like last weeks garbage. My children still have issues with me and my daughter was into some heavy duty emotional manipulation last week, which I almost bought into. I have been so depressed this past two weeks and questioning myself as a parent, as a women, as a spiritual being. And I felt like a loser in all areas. Then I read your article.

Bless you!!! You have helped me turn a corner. I have a ways to go but I'm definitely on the road to healing. I just wanted you to know how wonderful and human you are. Thank you for sharing. You have helped me more than you will ever know.

Your loving sister on this miraculous journey,
Julie D.

Dear One:

Again, you have amazed me with your bravery, honesty and wisdom.  Thank you for the generosity of spirit to share your intimate life and spiritual process with us.

As a Reiki Master and long-time nurse and healer, not to mention in my personal life and with many friends and relatives, these issues and the lack of a compassionate and spiritual understanding  concerning them, have over and over again ripped apart lives and families and created untold suffering.  As I come to grow into my spiritual self, I slowly come to these same conclusions, and slowly began to apply them in my life and work in all my roles as a mature woman and human.  As I changed and became this good news within me, so have I  been able to speak it and share it, by the grace of the All That Is.

Today, after I read your wonderful testimony and passed it along to all the women I know will be open to it (and some I am really just planting seeds - due to much resistance to the Higher Perspective), it came to me in an intuitive flash, that I could create a little gift of your message, insert it into my 8th charkra where Higher Self can pass it to all of us in the past (on the soul level, we all transcend time/space, etc).   I believe that our future and wiser selves continually help us this way, so I am learning to do it now , in this 3D!

Do you not love to live in the Mystery of Love, Light and Life and all their polarities?

Thanks for being you,
Norma

Dear Jelaila,

You are a very brave soul to bare it all regarding the motherhood article.  I believe just by incarnating as mothers, we are asking for the lessons it will bring, be they pleasant, or not so....I am going to share your article with my 23 year old daughter who had an abortion when she was 14.  I know she still carries the guilt and shame, and it impacts her choices.  I do believe your perspective will shed some "light" on this for her.  

I too went through an interesting custody experience.   It's a long story, but I believe I learned a great deal about myself, my dark and my light energies.  

The masculine energies on the planet are giving way to the feminine.  When this happens, we will know raising a child is the job of the whole, not just the "mom".   I believe this is really what "women's liberation" means. ha ha  I'm 44 too.  Interesting age, and I'm just glad to be here during this time at this age.  Everything is always perfect!

Blessings,
Jackie

Hello Jelaila,

I remember reading one or two or your perspective articles a year or two ago relating to your motherhood agonies.  I remember feeling for you so much regarding your motherhood choices.  And I remember that I had wanted to respond to you back then, but I never did.  So now I am.  Also , I had accidentally clicked on the 2001 perspectives one day, and started reading your motherhood dilemma's all over again.

First of all, I can TOTALLY relate to your guilt and shame, but in different ways.  One of the ways that us women accumulate guilt is through having sex with partners:  before marriage, if we're not in a totally committed relationship, if we have one night stands, if we get nothing out of having sex.  There are so many ways we as women accumulate GUILT AND SHAME in those chakra areas.  As a matter of fact, at this very moment, I am having female problems with my uterus.  I have numerous fibroids, have had heavy heavy periods, and have started taking the depo provera shot because of it.  Now that I read your article, I realize that I am facing some guilt and shame in this area.

I had 2 abortions when I was about 19 and 21.  I didn't feel consciously guilty (but who knows, maybe subconsciously).  I had a child die in my seventh month of pregnancy (back when I was about 40) because he was a downs syndrome child, and obviously there was some previous contract with all three of us (the father too I assume) for things to have worked out that way.  I felt totally defeated in a way (after the baby died) because the father professed a desire for me to end the pregnancy in my 6th or 7th month because we found out he was a downs syndrome baby, and he ended up dying anyway, on his own.

When I started reading your article, I sooo FELT for you and your feelings in this regard.  I remember even feeling a little judgemental toward your decision to have given up Danielle (back when you first wrote about it), and also my heart breaking for you and your hurt about your decision.  You are so right about how society puts such a strain, burden and guilt trip on women over issues of motherhood (and being a woman!!).  Even to the point of what a "good" mother should fricking be!!!  I am sooo thankful for you for this article, because as usual, there are sooo many more perspectives, (definitely higher ones) on this issue!!  AND everything is perfect as it IS and SHOULD BE!  That's the most important thing we should all know.  I have not even grieved for the loss of my son who died 5 years ago.   We have so many layers of hurts and pains to get through till it is just ridiculous!

Wow have you been through so much in this area, and obviously it's time for you to have written to us about it!  I salute you girl!  This must be really a profound event and congratulations! 

Hysterectomies (and partial hysterectomies) are at an all time high in this country! This should tell us something, but anyway, you have had so many lessons in this area of womanhood!  Not to mention how the feminine principal has been so totally distorted in the past and at the present time.  It is all beginning to heal now though! 

As I was reading your article, I remembered thinking of how much you have learned from the higher dimensional perspective, and are teaching us!  I mean, who would've thought!!!  Life never ceases to amaze me!  But what I really wanted to say is, first of all, we are all victims of what fricking society tells us is right!  Here I think I'm pretty open and allowing, and I still have these "beliefs" and ideals about certain subjects, of which motherhood is one!  Now that I've read your article, I'm a little ashamed of how I even judge these issues sometimes.  I salute you once again, I love you for sharing this, I love you for being you and helping us to understand that we as women CAN heal from these wounds of feminine abuse, guilt and shame!

Thank you so much! 
Sassy


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