Are the Inner Child and the Ego the Same?
By Jelaila Starr
Written November 9, 2000
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For the last couple of years, my guides have been teaching me about the connection between the Inner Child and Ego. I was so excited to finally find a way to create
inner peace and contentment that I wrote the Soul/Ego/Self Partnership, The 3rd Key of Compassion so that I could share this ascension tool with others. But by doing so, I seem to have opened a Pandora’s box of emotional conflict due to the fact that we have been taught that the Inner Child and the Ego are not the same entity. And based on the current beliefs and healing modalities we have been using to heal our inner child issues, I can understand why it would be difficult to embrace this new idea that they are one and the same.
My purpose in writing this article to explain how and why this could be true and by doing so create a bridge for those still trying to embrace this higher dimensional concept in order to complete
emotional clearing, achieve inner peace, create greater prosperity and finally, achieve ascension. Let’s begin by comparing descriptions of the Inner Child and the Ego.
The Inner Child is that part of us that is ultimately alive, free, energetic, creative and fulfilled. Dr. Charles Whitfield, as well as other therapists, says that our Inner Child is our real self and that it can be likened to a small child. Little children around the age of 2 or 3 are very much alive, energetic, creative, fulfilled and communicative. They have no problems speaking their minds and speaking up to get their needs met. How many times have you been embarrassed by the frank observation of a three-year old? After much research and observation I agree that this is an accurate description of the Inner Child. How about you?
is the part of us that is self-centered, irrational and fearful. Most of us, including myself, have been taught that the Ego is the part of us that we need to either destroy or at least subdue and tame. Webster’s dictionary describes the Ego as “the whole person, the self or the personal identity.” Some also call it the False Self or the Mask. Once again we see a part of ourselves described as the Self, this time it is the Ego. So we see that based on the descriptions, the Inner Child and the Ego have one thing in common; they are both part of the Self, the whole person that is you, just in different ways. Would you be open to the idea that, based on these descriptions, there is a possibility that they could be the same entity? You don’t have to decide just yet. Let’s look for more clues.
Now let’s look at the characteristics normally attributed to the Inner Child and the Ego. The Inner Child among other things is considered to be:
The Ego among other things is considered to be:
As we view the list it is not difficult to see that the Ego exhibits the negative or fear-based traits of the Inner Child. Where the Inner Child is child-like in its thinking and behavior (being
like a small innocent child), the Ego is adult-like in its behavior, (being like an adult) exhibiting traits normally associated with people who are older, having had much more experience with the
world. We label this egotistical behavior, in other words an adult acting childish out of some form of weakness, fear or insecurity. The Ego is a little, old person. So when
it gets upset over unfulfilled expectations, it acts childish not child-like. Child-like is innocent and open and honest. Childish is silly or trifling. There is a difference.
Does this make sense?
The Inner Child focuses on being itself, joyfully expressing its wants and desires without feeling the need to coerce or manipulate to get its needs met. Because it loves itself, it does not
harbor the idea that others do not love it too. The Inner Child lives for itself fully believing that everyone accepts it for who and what it is.
The Ego on the other hand, is focused on survival. In other words, the Ego spends its time trying to be what it believes others want it to be in order to be loved and accepted because love and
acceptance=survival. The Ego lives with the constant fear of rejection where the Inner Child does not. I will explain why in just a moment.
As I look at these two, I can’t help but suspect that the Ego could be the Inner Child out of balance—the Ego is fear based, the Inner child is love based. If this is true, then one
could conclude that the Ego is the dark side of the Inner Child.
Back to our connections based on characteristics, would it be safe to hypothesize that there is a second connection between the Ego and the Inner Child since one exhibits the flip side of the
other’s traits? I think there could be, how about you?
How is the dark side of the Inner Child created?
How does the Inner child become unbalanced creating a dark side? My belief is that the imbalances are created through conditioning from our family and society. I believe the imbalances
occur when we are taught to believe things that run counter to our natural instincts, the instincts of a small child.
As we grow from infancy to childhood and into adulthood we are continuously indoctrinated with the ideals and beliefs of our parents, extended family members, schools, churches and society at
large. These beliefs contain messages about what is acceptable to do, say, feel and express and what is not. As we experience the pain of rejection, blame, shame and guilt created by
going outside the established bounds of what is acceptable, we quickly learn to limit our expression in order to avoid that pain. As we do this we communicate messages to our Inner Child
regarding what it is allowed to express and where the limits are.
In addition, these messages contain our decisions as to what level of pain we wish to experience based on expression. The Inner Child hears these messages and wanting to keep our love and
acceptance obediently suppresses any feelings that it has been told we don’t want to feel. But when someone triggers that suppressed pain, we feel it and then blame our Inner Child through
negative self-talk. This negative talk makes our Inner Child feel blamed, rejected and abandoned. So, out of the desire to stay alive, it becomes more creative in anticipating and
avoiding or blocking opportunities that can trigger that pain thus creating a fear-based side to handle this need. We call it the Ego.
As we grow and experience greater levels of pain we demand that the Ego suppress more and more of that pain. When it fails, we reject it again and again. By the time we are adults that Ego
has learned to be very wily, powerful and manipulative, acquiring a whole host of tools to keep that pain down. This includes addictions of all sorts with the ultimate tool being depression,
which to the emotional body is the equivalent of morphine.
The Higher Perspective
Now that we see that there are two very logical connections between these two parts of us along with a good basis for believing they could just be the two
different sides of the same entity, lets look at how the higher realms view them.
It is my understanding that in the higher dimensions, the Inner Child and the Ego are seen as the same entity. Because earth is a place where polarity exists, they acknowledge that that polarity
extends to both our inner world and our outer world, thus it would only make sense that the Self has both a Light and Dark side or positive and negative side. To have only a Dark or a Light
side would not serve our interests because we would not be able to fully experience all there is to know about polarity or be able to find the balance between the two.
Those in the higher dimensions also understand that it is through our experience being taught to separate the Inner Child and the Ego, experiencing the pain of trying to live that way, and then
searching for a solution to the pain that we really learn about polarity. In addition, it is not until we figure out that keeping the Inner Child and the Ego separate only causes more
frustration, defeating our attempts at self-love and empowerment. Only then are we finally able to integrate them thus finding that which we sought in their separateness.
Those in the higher realms know that we need a guidance system. When a soul incarnates into physical form, they must have some sort of guidance system to guide them through the incarnation
following their Life Blueprint. The Life Blueprint is the map we create in the Interlife (life between lives) that contains all the major events and lessons we intend to learn in this
incarnation along with the contracts with those individuals who will play out roles created for the contracts with us.
The Soul is the part of us that oversees the Life Blueprint. It can do this because it exists in the higher realms along with our guides. It remains connected to us ethereally through the
heart chakra. The other two parts of us incarnate into physical form. They are the Inner Child/Ego and the conscious you, the one reading this article, that I call the Self in order
to differentiate it from the Inner Child and the Soul. You, the Self are the one in the driver’s seat making choices between following the Soul or the Ego. The Ego/Inner
Child is the part of you that identifies itself as the physical body with the express purpose of keeping You,
the Self safe in that body to complete the incarnation. Through the work of this trinity, you complete your incarnation, learning your lessons and obtaining soul growth, which is the primary reason for incarnating.
Who benefits from keeping them separate?
This is a somewhat complex question and must be answered on two levels. From the level of those in charge of this planet, they benefit from your choice to view your Inner Child as separate from
your Ego because as long as you keep them separate you will not be able to clear the emotional blocks that keep you from taking the steps that will lead to self-empowerment, self-love and ultimately
Now you might ask, “Why would keeping them separate cause me not to achieve self-love and empowerment and ascend?” The reason is that as long as you are loving the one but despising
and rejecting the other you will never experience total self-love or empowerment because you are only loving part of yourself, not all of yourself. And like we have already seen, the Ego is
still part of you, part of your Self.
The powers that be are gambling on the fact that you will not figure this out and as long as that continues they know you will continue to look outside yourself for love and validation and that is
where they can influence and control you…as they already have. Aaahhh! Now do you see? I can see the light bulbs going on in your minds as I write this! Yeah for you!
Now let’s look at the other level. Who else would benefit from keeping them separate? You would benefit. Why? Because only by experiencing the pain of seeing them as
separate would you be willing to commit to experience them as one and this is called soul growth. So you would benefit because it enables you to obtain soul growth.
Those in the higher dimensions realize that at some point early in your life you need to develop street smarts and learn to protect yourself. The Inner Child being child-like and innocent cannot
do this but as it journeys through the incarnation experiencing pain, it quickly learns what to do to keep the body safe. This process is valuable in that it enables us to survive.
Without it, we would not live long enough to learn anything because through our innocence and lack of fear we would run out into the street and get run over by a car, just like a 1-year old child
would because it does not yet know fear.
Is there a purpose for the Ego, this imbalanced side of the Inner Child?
So when the Inner Child uses fear as a tool to keep us safe and we don’t understand that this is what is occurring, we become fearful and call it Ego. Yes, there are times when the Inner
Child will use fear to block us if it feels that we are going to bring harm to our bodies, but it will only do so if it feels there is no other way. And as long as we are cut off from this dark
side of our Inner Child, wanting to destroy or conquer it, the Inner Child will continue to distrust us. It will not believe us when we say that we love it because we have proven through our
actions and our innocent ignorance that we only love the sweet side of it, not the side that is trying to protect us.
Without fear as a tool, the Inner Child would not be able to keep us safe and therefore, as I mentioned earlier, most of us would not live very long. And if we think that that is not true,
consider how it would be able to do it otherwise when most of us don’t spend even 5 minutes a day communicating with our Inner Child. Yes, we may spend a lot of time communing with our
Soul or Higher Self, but how much time do we spend with our Inner child? How strong is that relationship? How open and clear the communication?
This relationship with the Inner Child, accepting its dark side (Ego) and loving it through the integration of its fears is what I have found to be the missing piece in Inner Child work and, thus, the
missing piece in clearing emotional blocks and completing ascension.
Why it is so important to our spiritual growth and ultimate ascension to connect them?
When we begin to treat the Ego as the Inner Child in fear, we are able to make permanent changes in our behavior traits and thus, our relationships and life. The Ego is Inner Child expressing
its fears. When someone is in fear, that is when they need us the most. When you and I are in fear, what do we want the most? We want people to love us, help us, nurture us
and above all not reject us. If that is what we want, doesn’t it stand to reason that our Inner Child would want the same? Going further, isn’t it true that the way someone
knows that we love them, really love them is to be there for them regardless of whether they are being good or bad? If this is the case, then doesn’t it make sense that our Inner Child
would want to know that he or she is loved regardless of whether they behave as good or bad? When your physical children behave negatively, don’t you still love them? Then why
should it be any different for our Inner Child? Do you see what I mean?
It is my understanding that love is a feeling that we express through our behavior, the behaviors of trust, acceptance, kindness and compassion. So to love the Inner Child/Ego and help it
integrate its fears would be an expression of self-love in action, would it not? And don’t we need to be able to love ourselves in order to ascend? I believe we do. So, to
answer the question of why it is important to our spiritual growth to connect the Inner Child and Ego, it is because we need them both to ascend.
So are the Ego and the Inner Child the same entity or being? Yes, I believe they are. Is one the Dark side of the other? Yes, I believe so. Does understanding this concept and
beginning live it affect our ability to clear emotional blocks, achieve inner peace and ascension? Yes, I believe it does. How about you?
The Nibiruan Council
For further information on the Inner Child and the Ego read, The Soul/Ego/Self Partnership, The 3rd Multidimensional Key of Compassion.
For information on how to re establish your relationship with your Inner Child/Ego read, The Open Door, The 4th Multidimensional Key of Compassion.
Jelaila Starr, author of We are the Nibiruans, The Mission Remembered and the highly acclaimed Keys of Compassion series, is an
internationally known channel, teacher, and counselor. Through her lectures, workshops, and articles, Jelaila's message of compassion has touched the hearts of people around. Jelaila’s work
inspires hope and understanding while providing solutions to some of today’s most pressing challenges.
As a psychic/intuitive counselor, Jelaila works with individuals to assist them with emotional clearing, healing relationships, and DNA Recoding.
Jelaila's unique approach enables her clients to clearly discover who they are, what they came to do, and how to achieve it. Jelaila can be reached by e-mail at: Jelaila@NibiruanCouncil.com