Finding the Value of Pain
By Coral Karnaze
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At the age of 32 I was diagnosed with the most severe case of rheumatoid arthritis that my doctor, a man who had been in the profession for many
years, had seen to date. I could not dress myself, get out of a car, or walk up the stairs. I was almost crippled.
I remember on one summer night, my family and I were visiting relatives in Kansas City, where we stayed at my mother-in-law’s home. My
daughter was four weeks old. She needed to be fed after everyone had gone to sleep, and cried next to me in my bed. All I needed to do was
turn over my body halfway and I would be able to feed her, but my shoulders and my whole body were in such excruciating pain that I could
not do it on my own. I needed assistance in turning over just a few inches. I screamed from the top of my lungs for help, but no one could
hear me because everyone had fans on in their rooms.I asked myself, “How did I get to this state? I’m only in my early thirties. I have an infant
daughter to take care of; how am I going to continue?”
I had been perfectly healthy and physically strong until that point in my life. My diet was very balanced according to the normal standard, and
none of my immediate family members had this disease. I had many unanswered questions, but the most important question that I did not
ask at that time was, “Is there a value in this pain?” Finally, after years of searching, I stumbled upon the answer. Yes, believe it or not, there is
a value in pain. And here is the value in my painful arthritis experience.
I was born and raised in Hong Kong, China. I grew up in a traditional Chinese culture combined with some Western influences. Basically, in a
Chinese culture, the authority figures have absolute power over everyone below them according to the social status. For a young girl my age at
that time, authority figures would have been parents, teachers, aunts and uncles, business owners, bus drivers, and so forth. Young children
did not have much say in much of anything in their lives, especially young girls. At home, a girl was expected to help her mother with all the
domestic work. When we had guests in our house, I just poured out the tea and then sat in the background and listened to my father’s
conversation with his friends. I would just listen all the time, as I was not expected or encouraged to give my opinion at all.
In school, the situation was even worse. We all wore uniforms, and some school teachers called us by the numbers instead of our names. There
was never an open discussion of any topic. You could only talk when permission was given by the teacher. And if rules were disobeyed, the
punishment was severe. It was not uncommon at all for the teacher to scold and humiliate a student in front of the entire class. Many Chinese
teachers used this technique to cause guilt and shame in their students in order to confirm their power and control. This technique manipulates
everyone in the lower ranks to do whatever the authority wants of them. Respect is highly valued in the Chinese society, and if you show any sign of disrespect, you must face harsh consequences.
Of course, I did not understand this when I was growing up. On the surface I seemed very happy and content with everything in my
childhood. I had been conditioned by the system of obeying authority and I did not question my right to be different from the norm. If I had any
pain at that time about speaking my truth, my Inner Child might have stuffed it so well that I did not even know it existed. My Inner Child
wanted me to survive. She knew too well the consequences of defying authority. It could have meant being scolded to no end and then, striped
of all privileges and who knows what kind of unthinkable physical punishments. All I wanted to do was to play with my friends and eat all
the yummy foods the adults made. After all, nobody else complained. There was no reason for me to go outside of the culture. This marked the
beginning of my subconscious emotional suffering and my suppression of pain. It wasn’t until forty some years later that I tapped into the value of the pain and found the tools to transmute it.
Because of my quest for knowledge and adventure, I decided to go overseas for a college education. I ended up in the University of Kansas.
Though I experience total cultural shock, it was still an exciting and fascinating experience. I also felt like an alien on a different planet for
the first time in my life. In my junior year, I met my husband Chris. Everything was fine except for one thing, he is an American. In Chinese
society parents can object to a marriage if the future spouse is from a different province, town or village, not to mention a different nation. It
was an outrage to my parents, and I knew I would not have their approval to marry him, but I also knew deep down that we would get married.
My parents tried to persuade me not to marry Chris. My mother was in tears, crying and pleading for me to stay with them in Hong Kong. My
father threatened me with cutting all ties with me for the rest of my life. I was very much shaken up during the few weeks before the wedding,
but I was very determined. That was the first time the seed of guilt was planted in my consciousness. On top of that, Chris and I had been living
together for a year and a half on campus without my parent’s knowledge. Another taboo. Shame! Shame!
So, we started our married life in America and everything was fine for the first few years. During that time I tried to persuade Chris to find a job in
Hong Kong so I could be close to my parents. He said he was willing but the job never manifested. Eventually my parents accepted the fact that
we would probably never move back to Hong Kong, but every time we talked on the phone they subtly attempt to guilt me into moving home.
Eventually I started a business importing herbs, mostly to please my father who financed it. Because he financed it, he felt he should tell me
how to run it so I found myself day after day, trying to run the business as he directed. Combine that with the challenge of watching a toddler all
day and no help, and you have a recipe for disaster. After about a year of doing all this, I finally hit bottom. I was emotional and physically
burned out. My burnout led to the decision to close the business. Though I felt bad about failing myself, I felt even worse about failing my
father and that pain was the final load of pain that caused my rheumatoid arthritis.
Looking back it was only a matter of time before I broke down. I was constantly in a state of inner turmoil trying to honor and please my
parents and running the business exactly as they directed while, at the same time, owning my right to love the man I chose and live in the country I had come to love.
My relationship with pain is a unique one. As far as I can remember, I have been very stubborn all my life. I would endure a lot of physical
punishment without crying out loud or asking for mercy. Being stubborn can have a positive effect when it is being used constructively. But,
when I combine stubbornness with resistance to expressing my emotions and standing up to authority figures, it can cause problems, like arthritis.
I have such a high tolerance of pain that I held all this anger and guilt inside me until my body broke down with the arthritis. The flare-up
lasted for a few years. When I went searching for a cure to release my pain, mainly my physical pain, I was not even aware of all the internal
turmoil I was going through. I did not have a clue that all of these things were interrelated.
In an attempt to heal my condition, I first went through western medicine, and then turned to other healing modalities. The western medicine I
took effectively numbed the pain, but the side-effects were worse than the relief. I almost drove off the freeway one day. Immediately after that
incident I stopped all medical treatment and started trying many different alternative healing methods. For the first time in my life I learned of the
correlation between emotions and disease. I learned several hands-on healing techniques, crystal healing, and meditations. Some of them helped more than the other.
The search for a cure for my disease led me to an amazing journey on the spiritual path. After many years of exploring and researching, I was
almost completely healed. But even now, though there is still some pain in my fingers and wrists that I cannot quite get rid of I know that
something still needs to be released. It wasn’t until I found the 7 Keys of Compassion (Keys) and the Formula of Compassion
, the first of the Keys that I found the last piece of the puzzle. It occurred during the Galactic training in December 2002. Here I was, with eleven other
trainees, in Kansas City again, getting ready to be trained as a Galactic Counselor. Everything went on as planned for the first few days. Then
, through a series of set ups, the energy in the room intensified each day. It started with some miscommunication, which led to conflict. It went
from the personal level to the galactic level. Just about everyone in the workshop was triggered to the point of explosion, except for me and a
couple others. I was observing the drama unfolding secretly hoping I would not be called upon to confront anyone but lo and behold it
happened. I was called to confront someone I did not even think I had an issue with. I had to search really deep inside myself to find the pain they
all could see but I couldn’t see; pain that should have been triggered into my conscious awareness but was not because I had learned long ago to
repress it. Finally I found it, a pain so deeply ingrained in my soul that it took a few minutes of hysterical crying before I could put it into words.
Once I did and express the full force of that pain I was shaken to my core. The person I was confronting represented the race of beings that helped to create my starseed race I realized then that I had probably held these emotions for eons. After that, I could not stop crying for a
That evening and through out the next few days, I noticed that my fingers were much better. The strength in my hands was coming back. I
almost felt like I never had the arthritis. I contribute this to the great emotional clearing that I did during the workshop, a place where I could
feel safe, getting to and clearing my deepest pain. This was the last piece of the puzzle to finish the healing on myself.
During the next few months of working with the Formula of Compassion and going through the intensive experiences of being in the Galactic Counselor Network, I made the discovery of the value of pain. Before
I was born, I chose to be raised in a culture that in many ways is similar to a collective, a form of culture where individuality sacrificed for the
sake of unity. It’s a type of culture that marries within itself and shuns interaction with outsiders, especially marriages. It’s one where tradition
and loyalty are used to control behavior and sustain the unity and common good.
I was going along with all the values of the culture and did not want to change because I did not want to face the consequences of doing so. So
if I was not going to change, how was I going to break this pattern? I can almost see my higher-self during my childhood trying to tell me,
“speak your truth now, tell your parents or teachers that you won’t obey them just because they say you have to.” But, my Inner Child was saying
“no way” because she remembered the last time I disobeyed; I got locked up in a dark bathroom for hours or beaten with a stick while
swallowing my tears. I was determined not to speak up for my own safety because of all the fears that others had instilled in me. But, my Inner Child could only stuff so much pain in my body.
Eventually, I could not stuff any more pain and broke out with the arthritis. My painful relationship with my parents was meant to fuel me
to break out of my old patterns. However, I was so stubborn that I did not want to change, and I tolerated the pain to a point that it was
destroying my body. Instead of paying attention to my emotions, I ignored them, and so the pain kept increasing and building up. My body
was signaling to me that something wasn’t right, but I was resistant, and so the pain persisted. My high tolerance level of pain reflects my
inflexibility and strong-mindedness, and because I don’t give into it, I just endured it. I know now that I need to clear up my emotions when they
arise. Instead of holding them inside of me, I should release them as they come up to the surface.
I had the Keysof Compassion for a few months before the workshop, but I was only reading them at the intellectual level. I understood all the
steps and rationales and they all made sense to me. But, to really work it through, I needed to go through the pain and joy and everything in
between in order to transmute the energy in every cell of my body. This is how I applied the 9 steps of the Formula ofCompassion to this situation.
Step 1 - The lesson: On my life blueprint, it is shown that I chose to
grow up in an authoritarian society in order to find the value of pain, and learn not to suppress my feelings anymore.
Step 2 - The contract: My parents and I would be mirrors to each other of how control others in order to keep them safe.
Step 3 - The role: My parents would play the role of the authority figures, and I would play the role of a child for whom the majority of basic human rights have been denied.
Step 4 - The aspect: They reflected back to me my fear of speaking my truth, of being an individual, and going against the norm to follow my heart.
Step 5 – The Gift: The gift I received was the courage and determination to speak my truth and be an individual while still loving my parents.
Step 6 - Acceptance: I’ve come to accept the roles my parents are playing for me. They went through a horrific childhood themselves before they could even play the roles for me.
Step 7 - Allowing: When I see the pain they went through to play this role, I can let go of any anger toward them. But, most important of all, I
need to let go of any anger toward myself. Now that I could do that, I was ready for the next step.
Step 8 - Release: After going from the lessons to the allowance, I released myself and everyone in this contract from blame and from
playing the roles for me. When I realize I am the creator of this contract, I am not a victim anymore.
Step 9 - Kindness: now that I have no more anger towards them because I have owned the right to stand up and be an individual, with
respect for their right to be as they want to be, I can be kind towards them and express that kindness through respecting their right to live in the kind of culture they choose.
In conclusion, without all this pain, I would not be where I am now. I am glad that I have these tools to help me work out all the issues. Through a
multi-dimensional perspective, you can look at a bigger picture where you know the lessons and the roles each person plays, and come to a
balance. I am by no means near the end of my searching and exploring. I take it one step at a time and one layer at a time. But, now I have the Formula and the Keys to work with. I will always look for the higher
perspective, find the value in everything no matter how painful it is and use these tools to express, release and integrate. I see the value in the
pain I experienced. It guided me to begin my spiritual path where I eventually discovered my divine mission, to be a Galactic Counselor. It
also helped me to learn how to be an individual and stand up for what I want without guilt and shame. What better gifts could one receive?
They are Multidimensional tools that provide use with techniques to use for
emotional clearing and recoding our DNA.
 The 1stMultidimensional Key of Compassion. It explains the 9 steps of healing and
releasing through the high heart where compassion is achieved.
 Galactic Counselors assist others in providing counseling at the galactic level
including emotional clearing, communication with their guides, and DNA recoding using multidimensional tools.
 Starseeds are souls from other stellar locations in our universe. They come here to
assist in the spiritual evolution of this planet.
 The Galactic Counselor Network is a multidimensional family of counselor and
teachers. They work through their issues within the family.
 Life Blueprint is the predefined roadmap that we have created for our soul growth
before we were born.
About the author:
Coral is a clairsentient galactic counselor. She is available to assist
individuals with emotional clearing, healing relationships, guide-talk, and DNA recoding. Coral’s approach enables her clients discover who they are
, what they came to do, and how to achieve it. Coral is bi-lingual in English and Chinese (Cantonese).