Facing the Fear of Controversy
It seems that over the last few months a series of articles called Facing the Fear has developed. Each provides how to’s for integrating a particular kind of fear along with a story to explain the process. The following article is the latest installment in this series.
For those on the spiritual path who have made the decision to ascend along with Mother Earth to the 5th dimension, they at some point come to understand what ascension entails. They realize that it means clearing their emotional blocks and taking the denser energies contained in each and transmuting those energies into compassion. Compassion, as science has recently discovered, is the one thing that changes our DNA. In essence, it recodes the DNA.
To clear our emotional blocks we must integrate the fears that create them. In this article I explain how I used the tools (The Multidimensional Keys of Compassion) given to me by my guides in the Nibiruan Council to begin clearing the many layers of my emotional block around controversy. I needed to learn how to disengage from a controversy where the other individual just wants to take my power or energy, and learn to do it in compassion. In other words, do it without anger. I hope it helps you to do the same … Jelaila
Facing the Fear of Controversy
In the first two weeks after creating the Nibiruan Council’s new online Forums, the issue of controversy reared its fierce and frightening head in my life. As a result, I saw a new lesson had arrived—facing the fear of controversy. Oh boy! As one who is a recovering “Love and Lighter” who still in some ways resists seeing the Dark side, I have a real repugnance towards controversy. The heaviness and pain from the judgment and verbal attacks, not to mention the guilt and shame, leave me feeling physically sick with my stomach in knots. So my Soul decided that it was time for me to integrate another layer of this fear. I realize that I cannot be a teacher to others in this area unless I can stand up and take the hits that come with speaking and sharing one’s truth.
This lesson began as an irritation that I had been feeling about answering the same emailed questions over and over. Now, I don’t mind typing but this situation had become a little extreme. For instance, in the space of one hour I received the same 3 questions from 3 different people. As I sat in front of my computer that Tuesday morning, my hands poised over the keys of my keyboard, I struggled to keep my irritation in check so that I could type out another long answer (none of the questions had short answers). “This person deserved an answer”, I said to myself “and he has no way of knowing that two other people have just asked those same questions.” Well, that rationalization didn’t help much. My reply was short and curt and I have since come to regret it.
Later that day I sat in my afternoon salt bath thinking about the morning events. I asked my Soul to give me a solution to this problem. Immediately I received an answer, start a forum and have people post their questions there. Then I could direct people to it to find the answers they need. Now this sounded like a great idea. Not only would I not have to continue retyping the same responses, I would ease the burden by allowing others to answer the inquiries posted there and to provide their own views as well. Great idea! I thought. Problem solved! I slipped further into the water and closed my eyes with a sigh of relief.
The next morning I put up the new forum and sent an announcement to our e-mail list, notifying them of the feature. Within a matter of hours my dream of a research forum that also provided a great place for people to share their experiences was shattered when I found I had attracted a woman (I’ll call her Renee) who acted like a wacko (sorry, but that’s my word for ‘em). How Renee found us I do not know but she went to work wreaking havoc, judging, preaching, condemning, and quoting bible verses and all in capital letters, which on the internet, is the same as shouting. What an uproar she created! And to make matters worse, the board received nearly 200 posts on the very first day. By the end of the evening I smelled a setup. (A setup is my term for the beginning manifestations of a lesson.)
For the two days, I tried reasoning with Renee only to receive ugly, angry responses. Never had I in all my years felt such anger spew from another person. She reminded me of the girl in the movie the Exorcist. Each night I would talk to Jonathan, my husband, about her. Jonathan, with six years under his belt as a drug rehabilitation counselor, has had much experience in dealing with “wackos.” I told him how angry I was that this Renee would not respect the rights of others in the forum and how, when I asked her to leave and stop posting, she responded with such vulgar language that even I, one who is not unaccustomed to profane expression was taken by surprise! He just laughed and said, “Ignore her Jelaila and she will go away.” Well, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. In my mind this woman had come into my home, verbally abused my guests and myself, and even after my polite request to her to leave, completely ignored my request and was still there. So keeping my mouth shut was the last thing I wanted to hear!
As I sat telling him this, I felt the fear rise up and grip my stomach. At the same time I began to see red! I said to myself, “How can this woman even think of treating others this way? Has she no sense of decency, of integrity, of self-respect? If I was asked to leave a forum, I would be angry but I would oblige because I would not want to stay where I was not wanted.” Obviously Renee felt different. Soon I was huffin’ and puffin’ with indignation and rage. Had that woman been in the room, I probably would have hauled off and knocked her down!
Then, my thoughts switched to the fear. I asked myself, “What is it that I fear about this woman’s behavior? What am I afraid of losing if she does not stop and go away?” Once again I asked my Soul to help me see this lesson. (Yes, by now I realized it was a lesson.) Instantly I knew the answer—I was afraid that everyone would leave the forum, would stop posting and my forum and I would be a dismal failure. They wouldn’t want to stay because of the negative energy. I also began to see that many of my attempts at stopping this woman were because I wanted to shield my forum visitors from the pain that she would inflict upon them through her judgment and criticism of their beliefs.
As I followed this fear deeper into my being, I also saw that I lacked confidence in my visitors’ power to protect themselves and their inner child in this fray. I believed that, like me, they were too fearful of controversy to handle this kind of emotional assault from the Dark. As a result, I felt I had to protect them. In other words, I was caretaking again! I often call myself the Fairy Godmother of Caretakers, people who rescue others from their lessons so that we do not have to feel the pain. Once again, thanks to my Soul, I had rooted out another way that I caretake and try to control others so that I am not hurt. (I wonder how many others are still down there to clear.)
Anyway, Jonathan stood by watching this drama unfold and silently chuckling to himself. He knew from experience that this is a lesson one has to learn experientially. He knew that to step in and rescue me would only prolong the agony.
As the fourth day of this lesson dawned, I was ready to explode. Renee was like Velcro. Never had I encountered such a person. My inner child was screaming, “She won’t go away, we can’t get rid of her. What are we going to do?” There was no way to reason with her.
By this time it had become clear to me that I really feared these kinds of people because of their illogical and volatile natures. It triggered past-life memories of being killed because of people like her. And if this was not enough, around noon my lower back went out. I had bent over to stretch my extremely tense muscles but could not straighten back up! I lay down on the floor, staring at the ceiling thinking, “Okay, she got me. What do I do now?” My husband’s words rang in my head, “Ignore her, Ignore her.” At the same time, using The Formula of Compassion, I asked my Soul to show me the contract she and I as souls made to assist one another. I soon realized that I had drawn her into my life to play this role for me. In so doing, she would act out the behavior of the kind of person I fear most, a nutcase. And she would continue to do so until I had learned how to deal with her.
Jonathan had told me that when you find yourself in the midst of controversy with an unreasonable person, to just ignore them and do not respond whatsoever—just delete the postings as if they were never there. He explained that what they want is energy, attention and that any response on my part gives them that energy. A response of any kind demonstrates that you are willing to play their game. If you don’t respond, even after repeated attempts on their part to goad you into a response, eventually they will tire of the game and move on. So, in desperation I decided to apply Jonathan’s advice to the woman in the forum.
For the next several days I ignored her and quietly deleted all her postings. Because of Renee’s propensity towards preaching, I found myself doing it twice and three times a day. At first she appeared not to notice but soon she was posting messages attacking me because I was deleting her messages. Now I knew I was getting through to her.
After seeing that her negative postings got deleted, she tried only posting nice messages thinking that she could get back into my good graces that way. I deleted these too. After two days of this Renee returned to her previous abusive behavior. Jonathan had predicted this and he was accurate. He told me that “wackos” have a cycle and as long as you can hold out and not respond throughout the entire cycle, they will eventually see that they cannot get to you and will leave you alone.
Then something strange happened. During the days of me quietly deleting Renee’s messages, I found my heart began to hurt for her. I saw the little girl inside of her who was afraid and in pain. She wanted so much to be loved and accepted and acceptance meant attention. To Renee’s inner child, bad attention was better than no attention, but I was giving neither. I knew that for her to ever be able to receive the loving attention she deserved, that little girl had to have someone stand up to her and not engage, thus sending her the message that this type of energy vampirism will not get her what she wants.
I finally recognized with Jonathan’s help that verbal abuse is just like physical abuse and that if I try to cajole, reason or patronize her with love and light, it is the same thing as saying, “Okay you can get what you want from me by abusing me. I will give in. I care more about what you or others think of me than I do of myself.”
I also realized that this person had to be shown that becoming crazy and unreasonable wouldn’t work either. This extreme tactic works with many people. We feel that if we cannot reason with them that they will harm us and that frightens us. That was certainly true in my case.
Then going further using The Formula of Compassion to look for the mirror, I had to admit that there were many times when I had done the same thing to others. I had pushed and pushed at someone in order to get my needs. And each time I was met with silence. I became crazy with rage. Images of my second husband came flooding back along with the painful frustration of not being heard and validated. I had to acknowledge that this woman was just reflecting back to me how unreasonably nutty I can become when I can’t find a balanced way to get my needs met or engage in battle just to get the attention I am starving for. What a lesson!
After two weeks the cycle was complete. The triggers are gone … and my back problem has disappeared along with them.
As for my other guests in the forum, I came to see that they, too, must have had a cosmic date to meet Renee … perhaps for the same reasons as I. Therefore, they did not need me interfering with their lessons, rescuing them from the same pain that I was experiencing. They needed to feel that discomfort so that they could make a choice to change their pattern of response thus putting another spiritual lesson behind them.
Renee continues to come and go in the forums and this is okay. By having her there I can use her negative behavior to help the newcomers who need this lesson about holding one’s power to learn it. Holding one’s power and not allowing others to take it through abusive behavior is one that requires someone to play the Dark or Abuser role for us and Renee does that very well. And since that seems that there are so many of us who need to learn this lesson, it may be reason why she still hangs around.
So I thank Renee for providing me with the opportunity to learn about the cycle of controversy, how the inner child must learn the balanced way to get its needs met, and how to deal with people in the midst of these emotional frays. Now that I understand the lesson, I bless Renee and release her from the role and thank her for being willing to endure the pain of my silence long enough for me to learn then set her free.
I understand that due to the nature of integration, the Nibiruan Council Forums will continue to be somewhat controversial attracting people who condemn and judge others while setting themselves above and beyond the behavior and people they judge. Thanks to Renee, and her gift of this lesson early on, I feel more confident in my ability to handle these individuals and I believe that many of our regular guests who have also benefited from Renee’s lesson feel the same way. So let them come. After all, isn’t learning to balance our light and dark powers what it’s all about?
Tips to remember:
- Energy vampires have a cycle. The way to move quickly through that cycle is to ignore them as soon as they show signs of being unreasonable.
- Look beyond their behavior to the higher perspective. Remember that they are simply a soul playing a role for you. You are in the controversy to learn how not to allow them to take your energy by being abusive. They are in the role to learn that abusive behavior will not get their need for attention met. Therefore, they must find a more balanced way to attain the attention they need and deserve.
- Before the controversy can end successfully, you must grasp that they are playing this role for you, learn the lesson and in compassion and release them from the role with gratitude. All this is accomplished without engaging them in any way. Express the anger, but not directly at them because anger is a form of energy, and our energy is what they want.
- The people who love us the most are the ones who play the darkest roles in our lives.
I hope this has been of some help. I realize the language is a little graphic in places. As I said earlier, I am moving beyond the “love and light” syndrome where I feel the need to appear sweet and loving while hiding my darker emotions of anger, fear and shame. If I am to be an example of polarity integration, I must be willing to be real. Thanks for giving me another opportunity.
Much love and be well,
Jelaila Starr
Written May 10, 2000
Readers Comments
“I read with interest your article on controversy. I work in an alternative high school and had a student similar to your Renee. I used the non -response method with her also to good effect. But I must say that in some situations once must respond. Being a teacher, I am obliged to assert my authority on occasion for the sake of the other students in a class. Again, the key for me is to remain cool–my lesson. I have bookmarked your web page and look forward to learning more about and from you. I am a member of the Ashtar Trinities headquartered in Sedona. Best wishes,” Robert Wilson
“I just read your article about dealing with controversy. I must say I needed to read about your lesson. I have been going through a hard time with my son and he seems to be doing all the wrong things to me to get me angry with him. I have been trying to ignore him and get on with my life, but he still makes me angry, because of his lack of caring of what happens to him or me. He tell me that I am good to him, but he thinks I am the wacko, because I believe in E.T.’s. I have 2 other grown children and I’m sure they think I’m wacko too! My oldest daughter has not spoken or seen me in over 5 years and that is her wishes not mine. I know I have compassion for all my children, but they do not seem to have any for me. All 3 of them must be my greatest teacher and love me the most. I just wish it would not pain me in the heart so much, when I feel they do not love me. Please keep up your positive work. You are helping us a long. My husband is also reading your material. He was the one who directed me to your controversy article. Much love and light support,” Ruth & Grant.